MOMOTARO

2012-02-11T13:30:00.001+08:00

Seriously, I feel sooo stupid right now. Like what I tweeted in twitter, someone please do punch me in the face. Urgh !!

Im sorry, I misunderstood.

I really wanted to talk to you, like how we used to. I quickly charge my phone so it wont die out. But when I received yr text, I froze, wondering why. What did I do wrong which offended you ?

Seriously, I took your joke for real And it shows wat a dumb klutz I am.

BODOH KAN.

Please, punch me in the face ><

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2012-02-11T08:26:00.001+08:00

Maybe thats how he felt, maybe thats why...

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2012-02-11T08:25:00.001+08:00

For wat I felt, maybe its not as terrible like wat u felt but never mind. Im patient. I dont know if youre joking about it or purposely being sarcastic with me. I dont wanna say much. Ill take it. Ill take as much as I can. Ill take it till who knows whatever shit will happen.

I know im not a good person, probably, I shouldnt be treated nice. If thats fair, so be it.

Im trying my best to avoid every possible conflicts, being patient, swallowing my ego up. Talking nicely. Only he knows. But hmmm,

I know myself best.

What ever it is, im standing ground...

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2012-02-11T02:16:00.001+08:00

I cant do anything. Only feel sorry for my pathetic myself ~

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2012-02-11T02:09:00.001+08:00

Why ?

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2012-02-11T02:06:00.001+08:00

God, what did I do now ?

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2012-02-08T20:44:00.001+08:00

Every time I hurt you,

I'll get punishment from god.

I left you hanging, and now god

let me taste what it feels like to be hanging instead. Much more bitter than what ive experienced before.

Im not asking for sympathy. Just expressing it out here, like I always did to release everything but it doesnt work. Too bad for me. Like I said I deserve more harshness than this. Hais. Ill be fine, hopefully...

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2012-02-08T20:06:00.001+08:00

Only god knows how I feel ~

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2012-02-07T23:34:00.001+08:00

And yes, singtel did gave me problems yesterday night till morning :(

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2012-02-07T23:14:00.001+08:00

Hi again. Im sorry if ive made you worried. Im sorry if ive made you have doubts and alot of negativity. I dont mean to hurt you.

I dont know how to put it or how to say it. But i'll just tell the truth. Im happy having you in my life. I really am. I love the care and attention you've given me. I really appreciate it. I do. And the thought of you not being part of my life, it really hurt. It does hurt and my heart aches as if someone is clenching it tight.

I always did think of you all the time.

When its 7am, I wonder if youre awake, getting ready for school. When its noon, i'd figure youre having lunch. And late in the evening, i'd imagine youre on your way home or already am home. At night, I assumed youre asleep or watching tv. Im always wondering whats on your mind. What are you thinking about. Thoughts everywhere. Happy, sad, jealousy, just anything. I even had this thinking if im ever a bother in your life. Hmmmm.

Im sorry if I made feel that youre chasing me. Cause most of the time, youre the 1st one to text me. Its not that I dont bother. I just dont wanna worry you. And im afraid. I dont wanna worry you cause of my unhealthy lifestyle. I know i dont really take care of my body well, My sleeping disorder. At times I tried to sleep, but I cant. When I thought of staying up and make up for it by sleeping early at night. I overslept by alot. And why im afraid ? Ever since that day, I fear it will happen again. I wanna text you but I held back cause yes, im afraid. I know, we cant avoid conflicts but I dont like us quarreling. I dont like it at all cause id be helpless. I go weak when it comes to you. Even if I were to be furious, id go soft against you. Im not saying its your fault, its nobody's fault. Its cause you are my everything <3

Once again I apologize. In sorry for always making you worried and I know ive hurt you alot. Im not perfect and ill try to be a better person. How much I want someone in my life, I know I cant force them to stay. Just saying. I just want you to know, ill never leave you ~

To my precious lil sis :') <3

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2012-02-07T00:15:00.001+08:00

Hello. I miss this pretty girl soo very much. My lovely lil sis. Ouh when will we meet again. I soo wanna pinch your cheeks..

Ok bye2, hug many2 kay ;D

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2012-02-05T23:42:00.001+08:00

KEMAROKS

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2012-02-05T21:52:00.001+08:00

If that someone is reffering to me,

Remember who always give without taking back. Period ~

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2012-02-03T02:55:00.001+08:00

Maybe, the reason I go soft towards you is beacause I cared and want to see you smile :')

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2012-02-03T00:55:00.001+08:00

Im left to bleed. Wouldnt that make a great song title ? I dont know what yore doin. Maybe youre asleep. Maybe you cant be bothered bout me anymore. You make me confuse. I wanna state a question but in the end, that question would probably make it worst. Never mind. Im at a lose lose situation. Whatever I do, I will lose. When it comes to you, I will lose. My ego isnt strong. It pains me. I cant get mad, I cant be happy. Sorrow is the word. I blanked again. I kept wanting to say, to give out questions but ill always end up getting, "abeh nak ungkit". Thats what I get when I try to win an argument between my brother. And he is the one who always "ungkit". Maybe thats why I dont question others.

Dont leave me, please dont. But what ever ill say, youll end up saying I dont care about you, dont care about what youve done for me and that makes me down. You think I dont appreciate ? Ask the one above.

And yet again, Ive got things to say and I know, I will get a negative answer. I know. Its killling me. It is.

Im no sweet talker mother fucker,

Im not saying all this to calm you down, this is strictly from me.

I cant say more.

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2012-02-02T03:11:00.001+08:00

Im home, I guess ill turn in early.

I miss my 7 hrs of sleep yesterday.

Hope I come back to my senses ~

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2012-02-02T02:44:00.001+08:00

Now im feeling down. I dont wanna go home yet. The wind is cool. Maybe it will calm me down.

Wheres the moon ? I wanna talk to it. Wheres the stars, I wanna count the winks i'll get. Wheres the crickets, I want music to soothe my ears. Eventually, all I want is ....

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2012-02-02T01:02:00.001+08:00

I wont lie, I miss everything ~

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2012-02-01T19:30:00.001+08:00

I predict what youll reply next wont be to my liking ~

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2012-02-01T19:29:00.001+08:00

Dont tell me to find someone else cause all ive been thinking bout is you..

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2012-02-01T19:26:00.001+08:00

Let me cool down. Let me think straight..

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2012-02-01T19:24:00.001+08:00

Like I said, I get it already. Do my resume. Do my resume. Dont de-motivate me more..

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2012-02-01T19:23:00.001+08:00

And without realizing, you are so called threatening me. Saying that we should end 15092011. That really de-motivates me..

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2012-02-01T19:18:00.001+08:00

One of the reasons im pissed of is because you made use of your health. You dont need to that. I got it. Im a lil hard headed. I dont like to be ordered. I do things at own pace. Why im like this ? I dont even know. Maybe Ive changed somewhere, sometime throughout my life. I may seem carefree, forever happy having people around but who knows what im thinking. I dont put myself before others. Sometimes I think I dont really take care of my well being. Maybe thats why im like this..

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2012-02-01T18:55:00.001+08:00

I held back. I know even if I reply your text msgs, we will still end up having debates. I know you want the best from me, you cared for me, for my well being, for my future. I know you meant well but I just dont like the way you dealt with me...

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2012-02-01T18:50:00.001+08:00

My presence only brings pain. Joy dont last long but pain leave scars behind. My mind is still not straight. Mixed emotions. I dont want us to be strangers but everytime, I held back. Thats why I didnt reply your msgs...

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2012-02-01T09:15:00.001+08:00

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still restless ~

2012-02-01T02:46:00.001+08:00

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2012-01-31T22:42:00.001+08:00

If im the cause of bad things,

I rather shunt myself from society ~

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2012-01-31T09:52:00.001+08:00

Urgh, I still cant calm down !!

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2012-01-31T09:35:00.001+08:00

You always had to distance us apart ~

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2012-01-31T09:33:00.001+08:00

All I did was to make you cry. All I did was to hurt you. Everything I did, doesnt make you happy, just to steal your smiles.

I must be one selfish bastard huh ?

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2012-01-31T09:22:00.001+08:00

Pissed at first, then friends add more fuel to the fire followed by mom. Yeah, wat a day. Serve me right. Haha I deserve this. Great.

Wats next ? Singtel is gonna give problems ? Handphone wont start.

Lost my keys. Cut my fingers. What ?

Pft !!

Urgh, calm down ? Can I ? Hope so. When? Tomorrow ? The day after? Miracle. I guess I cant sleep now with all the rage built up in me.

Urgh !! Cant get out, cant get out. Cant let it out. Fuck it !! How am I supposed to calm down ? How ?

Someone punch me to sleep please.

Please do a good one till I cant get up. Pft !!

I dont mind you nagging ay me or whatever but you just have to overdid it threatening me. To make it worst you dare put your health and even our "sibling relationship" on the line. You could you ? You had to gamble. You had to threaten me. What if I just fucked off ? Would you want that ? And your health isnt something you should use to threaten me. What if I threaten you instead ? Putting everything on the line. What if I threatened that ill slit my wrist, ill commit suicide. What if I threaten that I will never see you again? Would you like being threatened ??

Then in the future when I dont do something, even little things, youll threaten me again.

Gamble everything as if it doesnt mean a thing to you. I dont even dare using it as a threat.

Ya, when a guy lies, wow, the guy ia such a jerk. How could he lie. That liar. The nerve, this bastard. And when a girl lies, shes forgiven for what ever reason given. Sexist.

And you had to lie about your medication. Great. Youre coughing non stop and you do this. Just great.

When you already know someone is pissed and you knew why, dont go ask him why, what is he angry about. You know its the worst thing you should ever do. And the tone you gave me, its not talking nicely. Its talking overpoweringly.

You hate it when ppl hung up on you but you dared threaten me that youll hang up on me. Heh..

Whose fault is this ? Who is to be blamed ? The one who started it is at fault and would eventually be blamed for everything. Ya my fault.

Im to be blamed. Ill take the shits. Every thing that happened, what ever things you did, its my fault.

Its not wrong for you not to eat your medication cause im at fault. Because of me.

And Im still wide awake !! Still cant calm down. Nice. And I shall continue this way...

Pft !!

I need to be alone...

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2012-01-31T02:17:00.001+08:00

What if im all serious and no fun ?

O_o

Try ? Try ? Try ? Try ? Try ? Try ? Try ? Try ? Try ? Try ? Try ? Try ? Try ? Try ?

PFT !!

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2012-01-31T02:14:00.001+08:00

Where have my mood gone to ? *singing ouh where ouh where have

my usual mood gone ? Ouh where ouh where can it be ? Ouh where ouh where......

*sigh

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2012-01-30T23:58:00.001+08:00

I think I saw someone. If im not mistaken. Eyes could decieve. What ever it is, I hope your doin fine ^^

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2012-01-27T17:19:00.001+08:00

When you love someone,

It doesnt mean he/she have to be yours. Facts ~

Maybe I do feel the same towards you but I know I cant. I get the feeling that ill regret running away from all this. Thats why ill stay even

If it hurts me in the long run. Im not strong either but all I want is to make you happy. Your smiles, are my smiles too. Period~

Your actions tells me that you

are leaving me for good. You made me be in a stand still, thinking, should I text you? Cause my gut tells me all I get, is an argument. You made yourself be a barrier. Not a barrier to prevent me from my social life, but a barrier to prevent me from you.

Besides my own family,

You too are part of me. You are in my heart. Precious.

I want u to stay ...

Please stay.. please do stay..

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2012-01-27T02:21:00.001+08:00

We might walk a different path one day, but it doesnt mean im going away forever.

Fate ~

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2012-01-25T22:40:00.001+08:00

Dear little one.

Dont think negatively pretty please :/

Seriously, you are not a bother to me. Im happy having you in my life.

Youre the one whom I look foward to when I wake up. I know youre the one who always take the initiative to text me 1st everyday. I appreciate everything youve done for me, I appreciate you. Im not saying all these just to please you, its to let you know you really are someone I treasure in my heart. Youre family.

Im always yours to bother, yours to cling on to, yours to share anything with. I will always be yours.

I assure you ^^ <3

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2012-01-24T17:17:00.003+08:00

I hope so..

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2012-01-24T17:17:00.001+08:00

Ill just keep on blabering here till everything will die out Eventually ~

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2012-01-24T17:15:00.001+08:00

Bottled up inside. It burns. It still does. Scars wont heal ~

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2012-01-24T17:13:00.001+08:00

Somehow ~

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2012-01-24T17:12:00.001+08:00

I feel like mine have been tampered. Yes, I did feel it cause it happened.

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2012-01-24T17:11:00.001+08:00

What is the defination of pride ?

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2012-01-24T17:10:00.001+08:00

Never mind, Im used to it.

It still hurts but i'll manage somehow.

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2012-01-24T17:06:00.001+08:00

It felt like I was treated like a ___ .

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2012-01-24T16:51:00.001+08:00

You wont ever know what im feeling right now...

Wont ever ~

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2012-01-24T16:44:00.001+08:00

Ye la aku nie kn mcm tk de perasaan gitu.

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2012-01-24T15:31:00.001+08:00

Boley mati aku :/

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happy birthday

2012-01-22T18:20:00.001+08:00

Ouh, damn its raining on a sunday.

Hmmmm, never mind at least someone is shining today. Shes wearing yellow today, and as bright as the sun so, she will light up and brighten the day, even though its dark, gloony and cloudy. Hope the rain stops soon . And ouh, urm, see the words below, do not press, especially my lil sis <3 ;D

~~DO NOT PRESS~~

Sorry, its one time only.

Im SHY ^^'

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2012-01-20T19:43:00.001+08:00

Hmmmmm,

Why does it hurt ?

What is it ? Its definitely not

Anger. Its more towards sorrow.

I guess its my random day today.

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2012-01-17T17:14:00.001+08:00

I dont know if youre mad at me ~

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2012-01-13T04:46:00.001+08:00

Sometimes i think back. The time when you made the decision to leave me for him.

I know its not wise to bring up the past but i cant help it but imagine. What if i didnt fight back. What if i agreed. What if i agreed and earased everything bout you. What if after that, i dont even wanna hear people mention your name. Not even your pictures which i cant bear to see . Even if you thought about me, i wouldnt even give a damn. What if you tried to reach me but i walked away. What if i were to have feelings of hatred sorrow, regret.

Sorry, i was curious and this came up. Hehehe.. And really, i couldnt imagine what would happen cause i really cant live my life without you.

Hahahaha

Syg bdk kecik nie <3 :P

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2012-01-07T07:45:00.001+08:00

Back then, while serving the national service. Lame picture

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2012-01-05T22:39:00.001+08:00

I know its my fault. I shouldnt have assumed that youre asleep. I wont lie that i forget about my phone ringing cause my attention was into something else. Its shows that im still childish like back then when i was still young. My mom told me that when ever i played games, video games or any other games, nothing can seperate me from it. Its like im glued to it. There was one incident where something was burning in the house, everyone was panicking but i sat there focusing on my game. On my game only.

But thats not the point, the point is i messed up. I made you wait, again. Pft !! Frustrated at myself. *sigh. I know something was amiss. I know what you feel but how do i put it ? Its like when ever youre down, my heart kinda ache. Why ? I cant explain it myself. Im still feeling it right now. Urgh !!

From the looks of it,

Im guessing you'd still give me the cold shoulder if i were to text you.

Argh !! I dont want any arguments between us. I dont want to have any bad aura to be felt. I dont know what to do...

I know youre mad at me and i know,

I'd expect you to have this thinking, why not i just forget everything, forget you. If i were to listen to my ego, i'd challenge what youve said cause i have this ' pantang ' to be challenged.

Hmmmmm, nvr mind.

I guess im just a bother to people ~

Ill be alone for today ~

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2012-01-05T08:46:00.001+08:00

Urgh. I did it again. Pft !!

I should go kill myself.

The cold shoulder.

Urgh, hate this feeling.

Nvr mind. I know you probably

Dont wanna talk to me or what so ever right now. I wont disturb ya.

Ill wait ~

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2012-01-02T19:52:00.001+08:00

Amino Acid (@BoboyAcid) has shared a tweet with you

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2011-12-30T02:09:00.003+08:00

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2011-12-30T02:09:00.001+08:00

Hais, i dont it like this.

Whenever youre like this,

It makes me down ~

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2011-12-27T18:26:00.001+08:00

I have a little body but an endless capacity. Thats why im used to things. ;D

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2011-12-27T18:10:00.001+08:00

I find it funny when people

Assume by looking and not

Knowing through understanding.

Humans, we are all the same.

I know i must move foward,

And not back. This is what

My mama always said. I understand

Im aging. Not gonna get younger.

I need to set my sights on my future.

I too need time ~

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2011-12-27T15:44:00.001+08:00

I'll lie in bed like im in the hospital

Except that np one is even visiting ~

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2011-12-27T13:23:00.003+08:00

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2011-12-27T13:23:00.001+08:00

If only i was a rock star,

I'd have my own suicide note ~

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2011-12-27T13:19:00.001+08:00

Seriously, what should i do ? What should i do ? Im stuck, im lost. I dont know. Youre still cold ? Urgh.. :(

Maybe, youve stopped thinking

Bout me. Ya, i guess so.

But im here still thinking bout you.

Everything seems so heavy. My heart, my body, my soul..

So helpless.

*sigh, i'll just stay in bed the whole day today. Hopefully :/

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2011-12-27T05:53:00.001+08:00

Fuck my ego !! I give in.

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2011-12-27T05:40:00.003+08:00

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2011-12-27T05:40:00.001+08:00

Its nothing When im the one waiting

But not vice versa ?? Hmmmmm

Never mind. Ill keep it inside ~

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2011-12-27T05:18:00.001+08:00

Made you cry. Again and again.

Good guys dont make girls cry.

I did. Which means im one of them

Rotten guys. I know sorry doesnt mean anything. Its just a word. And i'll end up doing it again and again. But, just want you to know, i aint smiling anymore. I wont be happy unless i see you smile with my own eyes .

This feeling sux ~

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2011-12-27T04:48:00.001+08:00

I swear i feel like crying ~

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2011-12-27T04:40:00.001+08:00

Arghhh !! Why ?!

Fcuk ! Hate this. Down, sad.

I made lil sis wait and i know

Shes mad at me. Giving me the

Cold shoulder.

Truly sorry, truly am :(

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2011-12-24T23:20:00.001+08:00

My past, my mistakes, my sins,

Ive to bear this heavy burden,

Which is a reminder to myself.

Never and ever again. Remember

Your loved ones. Dont wanna hurt

Them, dont wanna ruin their good name cause humans will never stop

Criticizing. Fact.

A year passed, ive behaved.

Hope next year would be better and

I know it will cause i will ^^

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2011-12-12T19:07:00.001+08:00

I know youll definitely cant accept it.

I know youll see me differently.

I know you wont be able to face me

Cause somehow i cant face you.

I know whats past is past but still,

A bad person will always remain one

Even though he turns good. Maybe now, you wont trust me like you used to. You wanted to know how bad i was and thats how bad i was.

I know, utter disappointed. Love is wonderful, love is bitter, love is dangerous. Cause ive been there done that. All the things ive said, advices i gave, i only want the best for you. I dont want my mistakes happening to you. And im sincere about my feelings as a brother to you.

Im sorry cause ive hurt you again.

Im truly sorry.

Maybe the time

Have come for me to embark on

A new journey.

A journey without .....

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2011-12-12T10:17:00.001+08:00

My past, my regrets. My nightmare.

Words from mama, i still remember it all.

God is fair, i was given a chance.

Look back and think twice. Thats wise.

Love your family cause they do love

You. Thats why i say what ever you

Do, remember your love ones. Dont soil peoples name.

Dont soil your family name, dont soil yours.

I know where i stand, i know who i am. Just trying to be a better man.

God knows ~

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2011-12-12T10:01:00.003+08:00

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2011-12-12T10:01:00.001+08:00

Amino Acid (@BoboyAcid) has shared a tweet with you

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2011-12-07T17:55:00.001+08:00

Its ok its alright.

I have my softness and

A cold heart too. That coldness

Is where i supressed my feelings.

And thats where my " no emotions "

Comes from. Im not gonna be mad, angry or disappointed. Im not gonna say anything even. I'll just smile.

This is my kunfayakun.. :D

My teeth hurts :/

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2011-12-05T19:14:00.001+08:00

Would have ____ ___ ____ if i could ~

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2011-12-03T21:14:00.001+08:00

Who knows ?

Nobody does. Me too.

Uncertainty. What if

I say i do too. I do have...

But im uncertain.

Why the heart aches ?

Maybe i know but i deny it..

Thats why somehow i feel,

I understand but reality

Tells me to face hardship,

Tells me no to that.

Why people say Opposite genders

Can never be ' best friends ',

I hv the answers...

Be strong ~

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2011-12-02T07:09:00.001+08:00

Silent hill ~

I know i know i know ^^'

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2011-11-28T08:07:00.001+08:00

Real Guys dont make girls shed tears of sorrow but they make girls shed tears of joy. I still need a lot to learn.

She suffered too much. The pain,

The mental pressure. I know her

Health isnt doin good. I dont wanna

Add salt to the wound. Looking at her smilling happily, PRICELESS.

She is and will be precious to me.

Really wanted to say this, here goes,

Hurting her means youre hurting me too, just like twins. Kay the twins part is just a metaphor ^^'

Do take care adik sayang <3 <3 <3

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2011-11-28T00:34:00.001+08:00

After a lot of thinking,

I've come to my senses.

Im just being silly. Being

Too attached to someone

You hold dear like your

Own family, its hard to let go.

We are only human, i am human

And you are human too. Feelings, u have feelings too. Im just jealous

That my lovely lil sis have someone else besides me. That shows my selfishness. I laughed at my stupidity. How pathetic. Birds do fly young, its a blessing, a miracle. It shows that you've grown up. Living with memories from the past and moving on. Im proud of you, i am ^^

I have my worries but i trust you, ill trust him. Trust me ;D

I dont hold any grudges againts anyone, thats not me. Times im

Quiet, means im sulking like a baby.

Im just like that, always been.

I dont mean to hurt you,

I just cared too much. Me,

Your brother is just a mean asshole.

A big jerk. I myself know.

Now, im wondering what are you doin but actually i know what.

Not gonna disturb you. You guys have fun <3

Lastly, nothings gonna change between us. You are my lil sis,

And its gonna stay that way. Spend more time with him. You should.

I will and always be around like

What a guardian angel should do.

Thats my greatest job as a big brother. Ill be there for you <3

I, Mohammad Amin Bin Ismail,

Sincerely, Would like to apologize to

Susyyanti Nirka Murni bte Jamil,

my one and only adik kesayangan.

" Adik, abang minta maaf,

Harap adik maaf kan abang :') "

Ps, Do take care of her ;D

Note: (hope i spelled your name right *fingers crossed)

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2011-11-27T19:16:00.001+08:00

Continuation from previous un finished blog post ~

A smirk on my face. Yeah, thats evil alright. :D *devil's horn

If you ever not feel prioritize, only needed when youre needed,

Then theres this saying for you.

When youre being put aside,

Its better that you leave. Reason ?

Its better hurting yourself 1st whwn you leave cause when they realized that youre gone, they are gonna hurt more. Im evil aint i ? Worst to worst, people wont even bother when youre gone. They would be much more happier getting rid of a nuisance like us. Yeah ! Ever heard of motivational workshop ? Im an instructor too. But im from a de-motivational one. Wanna join ?

I would be glad to decline :p

Muhhahahaa !!

Saying is one thing, doing is another.

Saying but not showing. Around but didnt even bother and its damn near, visible under the radar even. Applause ^^

Life aint fair, so am i. Im a harsh person. Now you people know.

You may say what i do is harsh

Towards people but in the end im

Only hurting my regretfull self. ;D

A vey good job Well done

Sometimes im straight foward,

Sometimes in in riddles. Its complicated, im complicated.

Like i said, im selfish. I only care about my well being and not others.

Right ? Riiiiight !!! Cast away by incident or casting away on your own, it doesnt matter. Both ways work. People come, people go.

We shall see.

My blog, my rules. What i typed,

Is only to my concern. Absorb it all or not, its up to you guys' reference.

Understanding or believing, choose one or both. Better still just treat this as a entertainment or even better, dont read it at all.

The true nature of mother nature,

We are only human, normal.

Distance ~

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2011-11-27T18:46:00.001+08:00

Stupid, i didnt even finished and accidentally press publish post -_-

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2011-11-27T18:44:00.001+08:00

Family is a 1st priority

But back then, i said friends.

But reality states that family is,

Real family that is. Second priority,

True friends. True friends arent blood related but whom you treat

Like your own family. They are the one who walked in your house and says, " im home ".

My relationship between family members did changed over the years. From ok to great, from good to bad and from bad to worst. I so called lost an elder sister. Shes somewhere out there god knowd where. Then i also technically lost a younger brother who lives in the same roof but never had a real conversation between each other

Because an evil nurse have brainwashed him into casting me and everything or everyone away who obstructed her devilish plans.

Ok im exaggerating but partially true.

Cousins, they are growing up.

They have their lives to live.

Grew up together with them, so i dont mind what they wanna do in

Life as long as they acknowledge me.

Well, talking bout family, having them, loosing them. Got a feeling of loosing one soon. Realized but didnt

Even realize what. Wont blame anyone but myself. Hate ? Ending up

Hating myself. Im strong but at times, i do crumble. My ego, its strong, its big, its a bitch, its damn right selfish but my heart, its pathetically weak. I just cant go on saying you cant do this, you cant do that cause i myself know, im a nobody. I dont have a name, just a passerby, im no priority.

Its starting to kick in, again. That one characteristic of mine. My no emotions mode where i dont give a damn to anyone anymore. Begining to be a pessimist. I laughed pathetically at bad thoughts. No, to be precise, i laughed sarcastically and its ' evil '

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2011-11-26T16:10:00.001+08:00

Urghh,

Gotta stop thinking

About stuff thats gonna

Pull me down. A troubled

Mind means an upset person.

Ignoring is temporary, it will

Eventually gather and explode

In a chain reaction of thoughts

But, ive decided. Should i reformat

The internal memory and not recover so that i'd have all the space to myself ?? Been thinking. Been thinking. The chain of events, a conspiracy, my conspiracy. Could be a coincifence, couldn't it ?? Im my own detective, i do have my hunch. Maybe im right maybe im wrong. But my detective instincts tells me about a conclusion. A conclusion to a tragic end. The black hole, without realizing it appears creating a vortex.

Sucking everything near, pulling it away, far far away into the nothingness. It have begun pulling. The more it pulls, the bigger it gets.

I could feel myself being sucked in slowly. Its inevitable. FASCINATING .

I was silenced, I could only watch.

As it pulls me in, reality kicks in.

The black hole, its gap, is opening, pulling in fast. Seconds, minutes, hours, days passed and the gap is only gonna increase more and more.

I know that i'd eventually, DISAPPEAR O_o,

A good imagination

Is an oasis of reality ~

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?

2011-11-26T04:03:00.001+08:00

I have two blogs actually.

This and another. I created

The other right after my 1st breakup.

And its private. Why private ? Cause

Its where all my deepest thoughts are stored. When i say deepest, its only meant for me to know and no one to find out. I did some posts in it before but i delete them all. Lol. Maybe its time again :/

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2011-11-24T19:30:00.001+08:00

Letting go without

Worries, its hard ~

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Protective

2011-11-20T16:09:00.001+08:00

Dear adik,

Abg just wanna say...

I dont mind who

You be friends with

but in future, (present included), do be careful. Abg is feeling protective

Today ^^

Kay, yesterday night was a blast.

Usually, i go shy even when im

With family but i think ive progressed. I sang without hesitation. Just like how i always

Did, alone.. Hahaha nvr mind.

The point is, we enjoyed, and we smiled. True happiness with family.

Yeah, ive always wondered why

My dad's side of the family seems

So distant. I guess we didnt have

That strong of a family bonding

To begin with. We dont talk much, not really have things in common

But i sure hope family will remain family..

Kay, im hungry, better wash up

And hunt for food.

Ps, dont hurt my lil sis. Shes precious, hmpf !! ;D

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2011-11-06T05:58:00.001+08:00

Its raining and were stuck in town area

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test drive

2011-11-05T21:09:00.001+08:00

One two three test test ^^

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life story

2011-10-15T05:14:00.002+08:00

Yo Whats Up People !!??
Time Pass By Soo Fast And The
End Of The Year Is Sooo Near..

A Lot Of Things Happen.
From Friendship, To Love, To Conflicts,
Break Ups And What Ever...

1st Thing 1st,
Tadaaaahhh !!
Everyone, Meet My New Lil Sis !!
Susyanti <3 ^^

Cute Isnt She ?? Hahahaha
Okay, I Didn't Ask For Much,
I Don't Intend On Anything, But
God Gave Me A Lil Sister, A Cute One That Is.
Hahahaa...

Love My Lil Sis. Shes Caring And Loving.
Shes The Type Who Will Listen,
The Type Who Will Share.
Shes The One Whom Will Make
People Smile, Make Me Smile.
Miss Her So..
Even The Bartender Miss Her,
Telling Mama(New Mom),
To Ask Her Come Work Again..

I Don't Know Why But
I Feel That Shes Just Like
My Very Own Sis. I Do Have
Female Cousins But Having Your Own
Sister Is Another Thing...

Dear Sis, Cheer Up, Put On A Smile.
Whats Over Is Over.
Let Go Of The Past, Live In The Present,
Go Towards A Brighter Future..

Abang Will Always Be There For Adik <3
- Your Guardian Angel -

OK 2nd Thing,
Hmmmm, What Should I Say..
Its About Love, About The Past..

I Don't Know,
I Say That I'm All Lazy And Stuff
But Infact, Deep Inside,
I'm Kinda Lonely. Theres
No One To Talk To Apart From
My Lil Sis Above And My Close Friends.
Maybe A "Cold " Person Like
Me Do Need Love Or Should I Say Wants Love.
About Being A " Cold " Person, Hahahaa.
Actually I'm Warm Cause Of My Dark Skin, I Conduct Heat..
FAKE !! Hahahahaha Kay, Jokes Aside.
I'm Warm, Soft Hearted, But Why I Call Myself Cold ?
Cause I Can Shut Off My Feelings Just Like That.
Emotionless..

I Do Feel Lonely, Jealous,
Looking At Loving Couples.
But I Dont Show It, I Dont..

Looking Back At The Past,
The People Im With, The People Who Leave,
The People I Left, Memories Still Lingers
Cause Its Implanted, Deeply Rooted
In My Thoughts. Especially Recent Events.

I Kinda Miss Ya, But I'm Confused.
Do I Really Miss Ya Or Am I Just Lonely.
Thinking About You As An Excuse,
As A Reason To Fill Up That Loneliness In My Heart.

Hahahaa, How Can I Still Laugh And Smile About This.
One Thing, Maybe Theres No Trust Between Us
That I Can Just Easily Not Take This Seriously.
But Seriously, Its A Mixed Feeling.
Do I Or Do I Not . I Already Made My Resolve.
A Big No No, But People Are Given Chances In Life,
Should I Gamble And Give Another Chance.
Been Thinking About It, Maybe I Should
But It Seems That Some Things Never Change,
Or Shall I Say, Some People Nvr Do Change..
I'm Not Exactly Saying You,
Just Typing Out What Im Thinking About.

But Nevertheless,
From What I've Seen With My Own Eyes,
I Shall Not Go For It.
I'm Just An Innocent Being
Who Only Wants To Look At Nice Things.
I Want The Right One.
The Right One For Me.
One Who Is Pleasant In And Out,
One Whom My Parents Wouldn't Have Any Doubts.
One Who Loves Me For Who I Am..

Basically, In Singlish,
The Good Good Decent Type.

Kay Whatever,
I Talked Too Much, Cause I'm Bored..
Too Much Leaked Info..
Who Cares !!
Nobody Is Gonna Read This.. Weeeeeeeeee !! ;P
Mornights People <3 !!

2011-09-15T05:48:00.002+08:00

I Hate Myself For Being Helpful...
Fuck !! And Here I Am, Getting All Emotional..
FUCK AGAIN !! FML !!

I bring Bad Luck... FUCK !!

2011-08-06T05:46:00.002+08:00

When The Heart Can't Be
Repaired,
It Won't Ever Be Healed...

I Don't Hate You,
It's Just, How Do I Say It,
Urghhh...

Never Mind, Its Not
Your Loss Losing Me,
I Ain't Perfect Either...
No One Is..

We Are Just Not Meant To Be I Guess.
I'm Sure Theres Someone Suitable For You Out There...

Sorry To Say This But
I'm Insecure Being With You.
I Don't Feel You, Yes I Don't...

My Heart Is Too Soft, I'm Not Strong Enough,
I'm Childish And I Guess I Ain't Ready...

I Apologize If I'm A Disappointment,
Be Bitter Now And Gain Happiness Later

Hope You Are Doing Well, Amin ~

2011-08-02T04:00:00.001+08:00

I Don't Think Its Gonna Work Out :(
I Can't Stand It Anymore...

Lets Call For A Time Out

2011-08-01T05:03:00.001+08:00

I'm Shutting Myself Up
Simply Because Maybe I Can't
Be Bothered Anymore Or Maybe Not...
I DOn't Know..

Yeah, 1st Things 1st,
Its My Fault For Neglecting
You Just Because My Friends
Wanted Me To Tagg Along To Bukit Timah..
Instead Of Turning Down Their Offer,
I Told You To Sleep Early For Work
Tomorrow Morning And Another
Thing Is My Handphone's Battery Is Low
(Which Is True)... I Didn't
Tell You Where I'm Heading To..

I Regret My Actions And Tried To
Make Up But It Seems You Don't
Feel That I'm Serious.. I Just Don't
Know What To Say Or Do..
We Didn't text Much, You Didn't reply
My Message And You Said Your
Heart Was More Broken Than Mine..
I Accepted That...

I Was About To Text Ya, To Make It Up
To You But Half Way, While Inputing
My Message, I Cancelled It..
You Know Why? I Had The Shock Of My Life..

I Thought To Myself,
Now Whose Heart Is More
Broken ? Yours Or Mine ?
I Was Filled With Rage...
It Didn't Take Long, And All
That Anger Turned To Sorrow..
Had This Feeling, Which I Hate The
Most.. My Whole Body Turns Weak
And I Feel Funny, I Just Wanna Cry..

I Saw It With My Own Eyes,
On Your Profile, You Were Tagged
In Your Friend's Photos...
Saw Everything,
Saw What Was In Your Hands
Which I Didn't Know What,
Whoses Arms Are Holding You,
Where You Were, Who You Are With,
What You Were Doing..
I Saw Everything..
And I Hate Those Pictures !!

No Need To Hide,
I Know You Removed That Notification
From Your Wall And Two Or
Three Photos Of You Were Untagged..
I Know..

I Asked Myself Whats The Meaning Of This ?
I Laughed pathetically..
Is It My Retribution ??
For Hurting You, You Are Returning
It To Me Ten Folds.. Is it Revenge ??

My Impression Of You Certainly
Changed... I Just Don't Know,
Kept Thinking Now What.. I'm
Certainly Not The Only One
Pissed Off.. Your So
Called "adek" Is Too..
The One I'm Close With,
The One Who We Share Each Others'
Problem With.. In Fact,
He Really Is More Pissed Off
Than I Am.. He Feel Me,
He Pity Me, He Cared, But
I'm Too Soft Hearted...
I Can't Hate You Like He Did...

You Called Yesterday,
But I Can't Pick Up,
My Hands Won't Let Me Pick It Up..
Everything Was Fifty Fifty..
I Want But I Don't At The Same Time..
To Talk To You, To See You, Anything
Associate With You, Its All Fifty Fifty..

I Guess I Couldn't
let It Go..
Still Visualising That Picture..
The One Which Was Mouth To
Mouth.. Everything.. There I Go Again, Laughing
Pathetically To Myself.. Hahahahaha
Ouh, It Hurts Me So...
And Its Growing, This Unbearable
Sadness.. I'm Loving It..
This Kind Of Situations,
Are The Source Of My Sarcasm I Might Say...

Unforgivable ...
Times Like This,
Disappearing From The Face Of Earth,
Is What I Need... Don't
Come Find Me, Cause Somehow,
You Wouldn't, I Guess 0_o

Lol, I Hate Everything Right Now

So, BYE !! ^^'

2011-07-29T03:18:00.002+08:00

Hope You Are Doin Well
And Being Happy Right Now...
Cause I'm Just A Pain In The Ass..
I Only Bring You Pain And Suffering..

I Guess You Are Happier Without Me..
Without Anyone To Care About, To Wonder About
Cause Thats Where You Are Free ~ Freedom.
I Miss You But I Don't
Think You Miss Me, I Just Don't Feel It From You..

Now, Theres No One To Turn To Anymore..
No One To Share With, To Laugh With, To Have Fun With,
To Feel Love With...

Hahahahaha, Laughing To My Pathetic Self...
Yeah, I Should.. I Don't Deserve Happiness...
I Don't Deserve Any Of These...
With Or Without, I'm Always Alone..
Its True.. A ' Hikikomori ' Is Always
Gonna Be One, Anti Social...

I Wish To Be Alone
But My Heart Says No...
I Miss You

2011-07-22T06:40:00.003+08:00

Frustrations !!
Why ? Where Are You ?
Are You Even There ? Where'd You Go ?
*cry

You've Been Silent, Quiet..
No News From You. Text Ya
But Didn't Even Reply.. Baby, Where Are You ?
Is Your Prepaid Empty ? You Didn't Call,
You Didn't Text, You Aren't Even Online..
No News At All .. Are Ok, Are You All Right Over There ?
Are Sick In Bed ? I Don't Know..
I'm Worried Sick..

And Theres Another Thing On My Mind,
Are You Purposely Doing This To Me..
Silently Keeping Quiet To Get Me Away From You..
Are You Leaving Me ? Are You Leaving Me For Someone Else ?
A Third Party.. Urgggggggghh !!
Are You ? I'm Just Saying These Things That
Are On My Mind.. Its Killing Me..
I Can't Take This.. Imagination Running Wild..
Please ??

I Feel So Hopeless, I Feel Like Dying..
This Sucks.. Hate This Feeling, Hate This !!
Somethings Prickly In My Heart..
It Hurts.. It Squeezes.. I Ain't Smiling..
Can I Cry ? Urggghhh !!
Just Tell Me..Tell Me The Truth..

I Don't Want To Look Stupid Making False Accusations..
I Don't Want To Have Any Negativity..
All I Want Is A Word From You..
Where Did You Disappear To ?? :(

2011-07-02T06:04:00.003+08:00

Ouh My,
Dear God... *sigh,
I'm Not Liking It, Not Liking It..
It Brings Me Pain To What I've Seen..
This Heart, It's Breaking Me..
Giving Time, Is Giving Chance But,
To Me,
Theres No Such Thing As When You're Ready..
Should Always Be Ready When It Comes To This
Kinda Thing.. Can I Cry ??
I Want To.. Let Me Cry.. Please God Let Me..
Why Can't I Now ?? I'm Such A (*$^%#&^!!!
What Should I Do Know ?? Show Me The Light,
Show Me The Way.. I'm Fragile To Such Things..
Damn It.. I Hate This.. I Hate It..
It Aches.. It Hurts.. Sooo Much.. :(

I WANT TEARS
I WANT TEARS FROM
TRUE JOY AND HAPPINESS :'(